


Make It Easy, Say I Never Mattered

by rvziel



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-09
Updated: 2013-09-09
Packaged: 2017-12-26 04:09:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/961402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rvziel/pseuds/rvziel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi first realized his feelings were more about two weeks after he met Eren.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Make It Easy, Say I Never Mattered

Levi first realized his feelings were more about two weeks after he met Eren.

He brushed it off, thinking of the situation as just a small crush that would deflate.

The feelings came back when Levi was working one afternoon, a few weeks after the female titan expedition. He was still letting his wound heal, so it was paper work each and every day. His head perked up to see Eren standing at the door, arms behind his back and standing up straight.

“Yes?” Levi asked, setting the pen down.

“Sir,” Eren strode in to take a seat in front of the desk, fists clenched lightly and resting on his knees.

“I would like to apologize, Captain,” Eren bowed his head, frowning. “I could have saved them, I could have prevented your injury, but I didn’t. I formally apologize.”

Levi stared, eyes wide and lips pursed. Levi hadn’t spoken of it to anyone, except Hanji and Erwin. He didn’t expect Eren to actually see how much it hurt to lose his family. That was stupid, though, because Eren’s lost everything and still goes on, just like Levi.

It makes his stomach do a small flip.

“There’s no reason to apologize, Jaeger. Sometimes things happen, it’s to be expected,” Levi picked up the pen and continued to write on the paper, refusing eye contact.

“Just—please, accept the apology. Even if you don’t mean it, just act like it,” Eren seemed almost frustrated with this, knuckles turning white. Levi glanced back up, nodding.

“It’s fine, Eren.”

It was three months from that office chat, and sometimes Levi would think of it and get a small feeling in his stomach again. Hanji noticed Levi’s uneasiness, asking if he was okay. The soldier brushed it off, reassuring his friend everything was okay. However, when he stood up to leave from the dinner table, he’d turned around to find Eren and Mikasa rather close with each other.

He didn’t sleep well that night.

Over time the small crush bloomed into something more, love, as Levi pinpointed. He was able to hide it, but did end up becoming good friends with Eren. The more he got to know the teen, the more Levi wondered what it would be like to hold him in his arms, talking about subjects that wouldn’t seem to matter to others. What the feeling would be, if Levi leaned over to plant a kiss on Eren right there, putting him on the spot with the choice. He never did, though. Levi kept quiet; there was a war to focus on.

When Eren was eighteen, Levi noticed something odd. Reassuring hugs between Eren and Mikasa grew more romantic, and one night he could have sworn Eren leaned over to give a quick peck to her. Levi brushed it off as just a trick of the eye, didn’t really happen. It grew harder to ignore though, when he’d noticed the holding hands or exchanging of warm smiles between the two. Sometimes he’d even walk by and hear the whisper of ‘I love you’ between the pair.

Levi doesn’t sleep well from there on out. Too sick to sleep.

Eren was twenty five now; the war had been over for exactly three years. They worked on tearing down the walls, keeping order, and still researching titans. Just in case they were to ever come back. One evening, after dinner, Levi had been strolling amongst the garden that was planted in memory of every fallen soldier. It was large, gorgeous, almost like an entire forest right there.

Then, he stopped, when the words “Would you like to get married?” was said a little bit away. It sounded like Eren, it sounded too much like Eren. So he stepped over, glancing through a small gap of trees, finding Mikasa and Eren sitting there. The only difference now, is that Mikasa wore a gold band around her finger.

He runs back to his room in the HQ, running to the bathroom and lurching. For the first time in a long time, Levi physically could not stop himself from crying.

Seventh months later, Levi is there with Eren, Armin, Mikasa, and a few others. Some soldiers were crying, smiling, wishing them well in the marriage. Levi said nothing, even as the priest said “If anyone objects to these two—“ bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, “—Speak now, or forever hold your peace.”

It took every ounce of his being to not speak then, to not jump up and get down on a knee for Eren, telling him how he’s loved him for a whole decade. No, Levi sat there in pure silence, trying not to cringe when he kissed Mikasa with a love, a love Levi wish he had.

Levi drinks for an entire three hours, before stumbling back to his room in headquarters, only to see everyone gathered with the lovely couple. He forces the alcohol to stay in his stomach, stumbling into his room and collapsing on the bed. Hanji comes in to check up on Levi, and oh God he just breaks. He tells Hanji everything, everything about it all. She’s there, though, she’s there for him and hugging him saying everything would be okay.

Levi wakes up with a killer hangover. He doesn’t know how he manages to stumble from the bed and grab medicine, all he knows is he turns around to see Eren there, boxers and a shirt on like he’s the only person awake.

“Morning, Levi,” He yawns, walking past to go pour tea. Levi doesn’t say a word, so Eren continues. “You were drunk last night, what was up?”

“I-I just felt like it,” Levi replied, downing more water.

“You’re an awful liar,” Eren stated simply, drinking the tea. Levi looked back at him, glaring, but Eren was used to the glare by now. “I’ve known for a while, Levi. Two years, maybe? You never said anything, so I gave up. I gave up trying to choose one over the other, and I stayed with Mikasa.”

Levi could feel his heart shatter, and the floor beneath him crumble.

“You had a chance.”

Levi can’t get the words from his mind, his ears are ringing.

“You’ll find someone, someday.”

_I want you._

“For now, just know that you do still matter to me.”

_You matter more to me. More than life._

“I’ll be going to wake up the others, now,” Eren walked past him.

The next day, there was a note on Eren’s bed. It simply read, “ _I’ve gone on_.”

Eren can taste the bitter regret on his tongue.


End file.
